Friday, December 2, 2011

I'm too exhausted to think of a title

I'm tired. Like beyond tired. Being a mom is hard bizness, some days it is harder than others. Last night was one of those days. Wait, what?

Judah woke up 2 hours after being put to bed and was up for for pretty much 4 straight hours last night. Just up. Wiiiide awake and wanting to hang out. Would squall if left alone, but perfectly content to just hang and gab and grab stuff. I was not down with that shit. But I had no choice. He wins. He always does. He finally went to sleep. Or so I thought. 45 minutes later he was up again. That time didn't last as long. Buuuuut, then at 5 he was up for another hour. And pretty much just stayed up. He hung out with Bill while Bill got ready for work, so I got a whopping 30 minutes or so more of sleep. I was in tears by the time Bill had to leave for work, because I was so effing tired and there was nothing I could do about it. There have only been a handful of times Judah has made me cry and they ALL relate to sleep deprivation. I like my sleep. Bill came home on his lunch hour so I could nap while he took care of Judah. After he went back to work J & I took his afternoon together. 

I'm really excited that tomorrow is Saturday and I get to SLEEP. Bill will get up with J in the morning and I will sleep. It will be glorious. But of course I can't sleep right now because my sleep schedule is all effed from sleeping in the middle of the day. Sleep cycles, you are one nasty broad.

I don't know what I would have done if I had to go off to work this morning. I could barely function at home, I can't imagine having to go in to work all day. It would be one thing if I could have caffeine, but Judah barfs like a mofo if I have one teensy cup of french press. 

Before, J came along I thought I would be able to get so much done as a stay at home mom house manager. I would be able to:
keep the house clean
not have a dirty dish in sight
cook dinner every night
wash and fold laundry at least once a week
run all the errands
go on nice long walks every day
finish up my Montessori credentials
finally crack out my sewing machine
join the local art co-op
work on home decor projects
do the ten thousands crafts and DIY stuff I have filed away (ahem, pinned nowadays)
oh &, you know, hang out with Judah

Boy, was I sorely mistaken. I don't know how some people do it. I am able to accomplish the hanging out with Judah part, the dinner part, and the laundry (which I was already pretty on top of, that seems to be the one chore I can routinely accomplish). The end. The rest seems to just be a pipe dream. I don't have the time or energy to do any of that other shit. When Judah finally goes to bed at night it is time to make and eat dinner. After that I have maybe an hour or two of me time. Well, it should only be an hour or two, but I often stay up way to late (like right now) because I just want to do some stuff for me, even if it just dicking around on the interwebs or watching tv or a movie with Bill. 

I would really like to get a handle on the whole house thing. I clean it (but not as often as I should). It happens in spurts and stages. Right now the top priority is the upstairs bathroom. I just vacuumed upstairs a day (or two?) ago and cleaned the downstairs back a few days before that and vacuumed and mopped downstairs a bit before that. My goal was to get the whole house cleaned in increments within a week. I'm lucky if it happens in two. But, what I really want (need?) is just to go through everything and get it organized. We just have so much stuff. So much. 

I want to use Morris' quote as my mantra and go through all the things. And get rid of the so many of the things. In general, I'm bad at getting rid of stuff. I feel bad throwing it out or donating it if I spent money on it (even if I don't use it) or if it was a gift (even if I think it's fug) or I never use it (because, one day I might, right?). So I keep it. I keep all the things. And that needs to stop. At the very least I need to get organized and put the things Ijustmightusepossiblysomeday away. For an old house we have quite a bit of (underutilized) storage. The entryway has a bench seat with hidden storage, there is a built in hutch in the dining room, built in cabinets the laundry room, and more built in storage in the upstairs hallway. Plus, two guest bedroom closets and the attic... and the basement... and a damp garage. The closets in the master bedroom and the nursery also could benefit from a massive overhaul. The closets are not huge, but the space could be used so much more efficiently. 

If anyone wants to come over and organize all the things for me, have at it. I'll even cook you dinner and give you beer. I just won't clean up after.

Because I am super lazy tired, here are some inspirations decor photos... that are all just things I pinned. Check out the lack of clutter. That is what I want. Less of all the things. More of a few awesome nice things.

See what I mean? I totally need to pare down all the things.


  1. Girl, I feel you. To anyone who thinks staying at home with a baby all day isn't work, I would love to challenge them to a job trade and see what they say at the end of the day. Being a mother is the most rewarding and at times the most thankless (and not to mention FREE PAYING) job in the universe. I've finally gotten to the point where I feel like I've got a handle on this thing and when there's a bad day (or week) I just remind myself that the things will get better again. And also alcohol helps.

  2. Some days I feel like I totally have got this. I go grocery shopping, vacuum, go for a jog, cook dinner, and maintain Judah's entertainment level throughout the day. Then there are the days where I am just so tired that I barely function and I am just watching the clock waiting for Judah's next nap. Overall, there are definitely more good days than bad, but the truly great days of feeling accomplished are few and far between.